Jessica Conoley's Thoughts On...

2022 & the full story

That update on my about page took much longer than I expected. As always, writing about the events helped me see the lessons more clearly and learn from what I went through. 

In cobbling together 2022’s timeline I realized the relationships with people I loved illuminated my biggest fears around my energetic skills AND taught me unconditional acceptance was possible.  

Here’s where the story resumes:

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December of 2021, I learned mom wasn’t going to get better and my BFF cousin, Kelly, revealed her own cancer diagnosis.

Kell was nine months older than me; my first friend as only a cousin could be. She had been my sole confidant in ALL things energy since the day things started to get weird. Kell was a scientist; she found my energy oddities fascinating and there wasn’t a drop of judgement in her questions—just curiosity and concern.

The impending loss of two of the people I had loved most and longest had me reeling.

My logical brain made the only sense it could and concluded one was only given a month like this if they’re supposed to be learning something. My, still unbridled, energy brain kept getting the message everything is going to be fine—but I knew fine didn’t mean mom or Kell would live.

2022 was erratic and eye-opening.

My first big lesson was in gratitude for the flexibility owning my own business provided. I put growing the business on hold and spent as much time as I could with mom.

I began to see a pattern in how energetic lessons showed up in my life. Often a very emotionally “negative” experience would be immediately followed by a “positive” one. The extreme emotional contrast made the lessons memorable and began to show me there was a different way to approaching work. Things didn’t always have to be forced, willpower, and grind; when I leaned into the energy of a situation, problems could resolve unexpectedly, surprisingly, and with ease.

Finite time had me living in my moments with mom with a level of presence and focus I had never experienced before. The ticking clock taught me my real priorities and to let go of my attempts to control anything.

My energy and attention varied from day-to-day, and I knew I didn’t have the capacity to deliver high quality work to clients consistently, so I stopped taking new clients. However, I decided if I could learn how to find the good in this burned-to-the-ground season of my personal life, I could incorporate those lessons into coaching moving forward.

I escaped into learning because reality felt too hard. I studied intuition, energy, habit building, happiness, behavioral economics, business—anything and everything that would help me (and my clients) as we navigated the hard parts. Throughout 2022 I completed the life-coaching certification program at Evercoach by MindValley and became a certified Six-Phase Meditation teacher.

Mom died in June 2022 and of course I was sad—but mostly I felt relief. Relief she wasn’t in pain any longer and that I would have time for myself once again came immediately. But there was a quiet relief I couldn’t identify immediately—the relief to explore my energetic skills and learning openly and fully.

Mom had been very religious. Anything that wasn’t firmly grounded in Christianity was the work of the Devil and evil. Something to be cast out.

I was too scared to share my energy oddities with her while she was alive because I feared her religious beliefs would overshadow her love for me. I feared she would tell me I was broken and evil and she would go to her grave thinking something was wrong with me. I was scared her final memories of me would be that I was possessed with something she could not love.

Over the 4th of July weekend I visited Kell for the last time, and the months until her death in January of 2023 are all a bit patchy.

The only thing I’m certain of for those seven months is my energetic experiences were intensifying in depth and frequency. I desperately sought connection with people who had similar skill-sets and found some women in my coaching certification program. I gleaned what I could from them, read every book by Caroline Myss and other energetic practitioner I could find, and took every class Jeffrey Allen had available. All of that was learning from a-far though. What I really longed for was a person with similar skills who I could talk to and ask ten-billion questions.

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