To Keep From Overheating – Tarot Update 

Remember how I’ve been doing tarot card readings over on Instagram? It’s been the greatest learning lesson in energy exchange.  

@tarot4creatives was set up while I was working with an energy coach. Some of the work I did with him was about self-acceptance and not being ashamed of my talents. He pushed me to use a public forum to help me face my fears of acceptance and rejection. 

My first videos were under a different account name & included video of just the cards with me talking off camera. As every good coach does, he pushed me. He told me I needed to get in front of the camera. People needed to see me. More importantly I needed to see me.  

I shoved myself out of my comfort zone and got in front of the camera consistently for close to a year. Once I started recording videos with my hair a mess, in workout clothes, I knew I had crossed an important threshold. I had learned to show up without presenting the curated, most beautiful version of myself—the version of me that I thought people wanted.  

I learned to show up as who I authentically was in that moment. I wouldn’t say I’m comfortable in front of the camera yet, but I know I am capable in front of the camera—which is enough for now.  

The tarot account also gave me a place to experiment with running energy in different ways. (One-on-one zoom reading, one-on-one live reading, collective general reading, group individual reading, maintaining a group’s energy while teaching small Zoom workshops and incorporating meditation, setting a room’s energy for live speaking events with a large audience, etc.)  What I learned is there is always an energetic exchange, and when it is unequal I pay a price physically.   

Physically my body heats up, a lot. (It always makes me think of how electronics chargers heat up as they channel energy from one power source into another.) Energy hangovers come on hard and fast about 24 hours after I run a large amount of energy. They can also sneak in as physical exhaustion when I’m unconsciously hemorrhaging energy somewhere. (I can often trace the source of the leaks by tracking any people-pleasing behavior I have fallen into.) Physically an energy hangover makes me feel sluggish and I’m flat out stupid until it passes.   

My teacher taught me to load up on good carbs on days I knew I had to run energy, and that helped some. But I haven’t found a way to escape the crash, yet. I did read a book on sacred geometry this weekend which feels like it’s leading me the right direction, though. 

After a year of consistent practice, I better understand the physical and mental toll this type of work takes.   

When the energetic exchange feels equal, like using my skills in a one-on-one coaching session, I don’t mind paying the physical price.   

But, when the energetic exchange becomes imbalanced, I fall into a bad headspace. I get mad at myself for pushing my other work to the back burner. I get resentful and berate myself for not setting better boundaries. I find myself being less empathetic and more judgmental of people as a whole.   

For now, I’m stepping away from free daily collective readings on the Instagram account.   

My energy skills aren’t being tossed to the side though, they’re just being repurposed in a more sustainable way. I’ll still use them in: 

Patrons of the $30 coaching tier will get access to all the recorded store readings as part of their monthly subscription. And a reminder Patrons of $15+ get 50% off one-on-one coaching sessions with me, if you want to book a session just email or message me & we’ll get you on my calendar.    

I’ll try this revised way of energy work a bit and see how it feels. Intuitively I feel like there is a way for me to use energy without depleting myself in the process. I intend to keep learning until I prove that theory.  

I’m grateful to everyone who followed the tarot account because you taught me I would be accepted. Even when I used this often misunderstood, and occasionally demonized, skillset. That account definitely helped me grow and hopefully helped a few people along the way.   

 

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