Two days after my cat died my friend lured me out of the house.
We sat in the sunshine, eating lunch, and confessed. “I feel like I’m failing. I’m useless. I know I’m sad because my cat died. But I’m tired of being sad, because I feel like I’ve been sad the past three years. I feel like I should be writing–but I’m not. And I know I would tell anyone else that they deserve time, but I still feel like I should be productive.”
My friend is smart, (clearly, because she knew I needed to be lured out of the house) and she said, “I think when a pet dies it also stirs up all the grief around the people we’ve lost. You haven’t been doing nothing. And yes, you deserve time.”
She’s right. I deserve time.
She’s right. Losing Bear amplified losing mom and my cousin.
She’s right. I need to get out of the house and be with people who aren’t going to force me to pretend like I was fine or expect me to act the way I did when Mom, Kell, & Bear were alive.
Grief hurts because it is love; I have had a lot of love.
I will take time to heal because my friend told me it is okay.
And just in case you need to hear it, too–take your time. The projects can wait. Another opportunity will arise. Go sit with the people who can accept you exactly as you are, on the sad days and the happy ones too.
Thanks, friend. I couldn’t have done this part with out you.
& this week’s 7 cards is up. It felt really good to do it this week. It feels like a hopeful week, and that’s an energy I’m relieved to settle into.
Have a good week.
J