I’ve written about how creative energy sends messages before. Symbolism and action are two key ingredients in that dialogue, and the last two weeks have been all action on my end.
This summer I decided it was time to figure out why the wall in my bathroom was oddly bumpy. The wall was adjacent to the 40+ year old shower, and my assumption was there was a water leak. I knew bathroom remodels were expensive, and I didn’t feel like I had an extra $20k available to do a full remodel–but I also knew water is a house’s arch-nemesis when it infiltrates the wrong places so denial wasn’t going to serve me forever.
I sat in the uncomfortable moment of deciding if I would do what was most familiar: put a band-aid solution on a 40 year-old shower, because I felt like I didn’t have the resources available to fix it properly.
Everything about my past wanted me to do what was familiar, say I didn’t have enough money and live with an ugly sealant fix and bumpy wall. But, I was in my present–and that is a place where I know I can change things, if I’m brave enough to do it.
The quotes came in, everyone agreed unless we ripped the old out we couldn’t see the full extent of what was happening behind.
I asked myself: If I had all the money available to me, what would I do?
The answer: Fix the problem right. Rip it down to the studs, and rebuild it exactly how I wanted to.
I chose my company and signed a contract the first week in July, they were booked out until November, so that gave me four months see where the money would come from.
A friend and I went tile shopping; I wanted a color and large tile–which meant a custom order which would take a few months. Perfect, the shower guys couldn’t get me in until then anyways.
The company came out for final measurements and I thought about the functionality that had frustrated me about the old shower. I had them add a 2nd niche and a fold down chair. I chose the fixture that would flay my skin off. I selected the trim and base because they were the easiest to clean.
Every decision I made was because it was right for me, because I deserve to have nice things that work properly.
September rolled around and I got the call for my install dates, November 6-12. It was time for me to see how this money would show up from.
Past me felt an immediate urge to start researching options, but my intuition said wait. Over the weekend I start googling, my intuition said wait. Monday rolled around & I thought I’d use co-working to research, but my intuition said wait. Tuesday I began my search for financing in earnest, and connect with the right person on my third phone call.
I explain I’m self-employed and so a *bank-statement loan/financial review makes the most sense. He says, “A product just launched yesterday that I think would work well for your situation.” And I understand that’s why my intuition had been telling me to wait.
Less than an hour of work on my end and they have all the info they need.
The next day I get a call from him, I’ve been approved for 3X the estimated cost of the shower remodel. More than enough money to fix everything if they rip out the walls and everything’s gone to shit.
Demo day happens and it’s a best case scenario. No extra days, no extra cost, no unforeseen damage.
Tile day comes around and the guy starts tiling without confirming with me what I want. I go in at the end of the day, and he’s hung the tile the wrong way. “I’m sorry, but I wanted it vertical.” A few minutes of him trying to convince my horizontal is the right choice. “I want vertical.” He rips it out. The next day he tried to convince me the way I want the tile hung will cause cracking, look off because my walls aren’t even, there’s a soffit, suggests alternate methods, etc. For five minutes I considered it, but stick to what I want. He conceded and got to work.
Later I googled, “Is it harder to tile vertically than horizontally.” The answer: a definitive, yes. And, I understand energetically I have just done an important thing. I have asked for exactly what I want and paid for, and not settled for something that would have been an inconvenience for someone else. Energetically, I have shown I expect people to treat me in alignment with my self-worth and will no longer settle for less-than.
The house is dust and chaos for a week. Writing/thinking type work is challenging, so I settle on manual labor. Pull everything out of the bathroom and our utility closets. A mass purge and reorganization for the functionality that makes the most sense for how we use our house.
It’s exhausting, and feels so, so good.
It takes another week to get all the finishing touches together on the bathroom, and I realize the action I’ve taken over the past few months is about so much more than a bumpy wall and the fear of what may be hidden behind it.
It’s about being willing to face a problem head on, no matter how dirty and ugly it may get.
It’s about knowing all the resources in the world are available to me when I need them.
It’s about setting standards for myself, and not compromising if it inconveniences others.
It’s about settling into a life where I know what I want, take action to get it, and relish the outcome because I know I am worth it.
This week’s 7 cards is out. I recommend everyone watch the preview. It’s got a great tidbit about what you should wait until December to do.
*Fun fact I used to work in the loan department at a bank. For my creatives who are self-employed and your tax-returns are wonky as all get out, there are loans where they look at your tax returns AND your bank-statements. A bank-statement loan allows for a more accurate assessment of your cash flow and may be a better option for you if you’re ever looking for a loan for a big purchase. Those loans are typically mortgages, home-equity-loans, something secured with collateral, etc. Not all banks offer bank-statement loans. If you need one, start by asking your bank, “Do you do bank statement loans?” If they say no, it will save you a ton of time and allow you to move on to find the right lender.